best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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