Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
