I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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