Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
