where am i from again
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
