Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
