he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
