i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
