They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
