This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
