totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
