My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
