You can't motorboat a personality
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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