Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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