your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
