so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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