Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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