We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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