I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
