There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
