i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
and i looked up. we had an audience...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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