My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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