youre lurking in front of me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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