why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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