I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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