I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
