Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
