She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My vagina is officially offended.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
