here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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