You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do herpes really smell.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
