Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
