Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize