fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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