so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
