I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
