you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
