Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
