my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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