i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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