My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
