i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
