used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
