dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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