Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
