She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love you. Go after that dick
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
