As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
