I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
