i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
