it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
