I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This house was built for laser tag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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