you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
