I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He has the fingertips of a God
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