He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
