the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
handjob tips. give me some.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
