I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
