Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
