ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
