I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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