Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Less talking, more tequila
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
