remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
