Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
