My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
