yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
