True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
