And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
