It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
