You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
