i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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